Friday, 1 December 2017

The Importance of Transparency in Relationships

Growing up, I never liked working within teams. Negative experiences at school and early jobs I held marred my judgment and frequently curbed my enthusiasm to collaborate. I am a type A personality, a very hard worker and a perfectionist at heart - I always expect high quality. Working with others who didn’t take their project/tasks seriously, or slacked off and didn’t produce, made it difficult for me to enjoy teamwork. As a result, I felt like I was being taken advantage of, and once adulthood arrived, I was quick to seek employment where I could work independently.

It wasn’t until I joined the Celestine Prophecy communities on Facebook and became a group administrator that I realized how amazing a team can really be. It was there that I learned about circular leadership, Starhawk's group roles, and how each person’s unique talents can make a team more effective and harmonious.

Implementing the Eighth Insight was paramount in my growth. I learned more about communication skills in three years than I had over my entire life. Not only has it helped me with my profession, but it is also creating awareness in other areas of my life with family and friends, as well as social situations.

Since I have started studying the Enneagram and learning the deeper meaning behind behavior, I am gaining more understanding and compassion for all the people in my life, both personally and professionally. What’s even better about the Enneagram is that I can see how unique we all are, the talents each of us naturally bring into the world, and what motivates us towards bringing out the best of who we are.

From this, the latest lesson arising for me is the collective need for Transparency in our relationships and communication. When problem solving, I’ve found that any lack of transparency makes it harder to know important facts. Reaching a solution to produce a desired win-win result becomes greatly hindered. The result is that usually there remains unresolved issues, hurt feelings, misunderstandings, and the inability to move on.

Wikipedia states that Transparency (pertaining to human behavior) implies openness, communication, and accountability. I’ve personally found that employing transparency allows us to have connected, authentic relationships that limit the instances in which we experience Control Dramas and distrust. I’m finding these genuinely transparent relationships enhance my ability to grow and maintain my overall health, balance, and joy in interactions with others. Because of this dramatic change in my life, I would like to share with you what I’ve learned, in case this awareness can also benefit you.

Here are five things that occur when we have transparency in our relationships:

1. You are being true to yourself 

It is so important that we all show our real selves to those around us. More often than not, we shelter parts of ourselves in fear of what others may think. Hiding things we don't like causes resistance in us and, as this festers, we become unhealthy emotionally, mentally, physically, and spiritually. Accepting our shadow side allows us to cultivate compassion for ourselves as we process negative emotions when they arise. Forgiveness helps us to grow through our struggles, making us stronger and wiser.

Appreciating our uniqueness allows us to nurture the relationships we invest in. We recognize that we each bring something different to the table, and as we come together, we make the perfect whole. Consistency in our character and our values encourages others to feel safe in our presence: they know what to expect of us, they understand our boundaries, and trust naturally develops.

2. You become more confident in your courage to be honest 
Over time, as our trust in our relationships strengthens, we begin to find our voice and our deeper confidence. Honesty does take courage. We never really know how someone might react to our truth, but we must remember that their reaction is something that they must own. As we are learning to be more genuine in our transparency, we need to stay aware of how negative responses might throw us off balance and cause us to doubt the truth we have to share.

While we are not responsible for other people’s behavior, we must respect how our truth may impact them, and should be there to support them if we trigger a reaction which disturbs their inner peace. What we can do is ensure that the truth we have to share is always delivered with kindness and is not attached to a Control Drama, nor said when emotions are elevated in the heat of the moment. Through staying aware and open to understanding the situations we’re part of, we become confident in our ability to nurture important relationships and encourage others to maintain transparency with us.

3. You step out of your Control Dramas 

We all get caught up in our emotions from time to time – it’s a natural part of being human – but the more aware we are of our tendencies to fall into our dramas, the easier it is to stop them. When we notice our dramas rising, we must take a time-out from the situation, and then return when we’re thinking more rationally. Transparency first starts with how willing you are to see the truth of your own behavior and take responsibility for it.

Mindfulness and a sense of humor are two things that we can cultivate to help us overcome our inner turmoil when the stakes are raised. There is immense strength that comes with the ability to step out of a situation to look at it objectively, and with practice, the time it takes us to see the bigger picture reduces. When we consider why a drama arises, we can appreciate that they are not just brought to life during power struggles: everyone is capable of using their control dramas during regular day-to-day interactions, as a method of manipulation to achieve the results they want to see. With Transparency employed on both sides of a relationship, the struggle to manage emotions and desire to manipulate situations can disappear.

4. You create deeper meaningful interactions

There is nothing more special than the bonds created with those we hold dear to our hearts. When we concentrate on transparency as a strongly held value, others will come to respect us and reciprocate the same level of trust and honesty. Transparency even has the ability to rebuild fractured relationships when two people make an agreement to be completely honest with each other. This may require a leap of faith for the person who has lost trust in the other but, depending on certain circumstances, it is possible for the relationship to succeed if both people make an honest, joint effort to work together and remain transparent while accepting each other's needs.

5. It helps you stay in the Synchronistic Flow

As our culture evolves, we are naturally developing a greater ability to sense what others are thinking and feeling. Our thoughts and feelings have traditionally been perceived as private until we decide to share them, but, as we now know, all things (including our thoughts) are energy, we recognize how we are always projecting, even if we’re not speaking. Staying transparent, sharing our truth, and always expecting synchronicity keeps us in the flow.

The experience of being in this flow has a way of making us feel alive as we become more conscious of all the coincidences that are guiding us toward our destiny, and the miracles that occur. As we integrate the Twelfth Insight and experience conscious conversations, we "exude a special influence on the world, discover what we need to know, and build a new, more truthful worldview."

The process of learning, understanding, and embracing the energy of Transparency as it pertains to my life, enables me to develop my realization of the Celestine Insights. My desire to share this awareness of growth is helping me discover a deeper connection to myself, my loved ones, and to my joy and passion of purpose, including my ability to enjoy being part of a team.

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