Taking Responsibility for Control Dramas in Relationships

As Autumn and I were discussing her article, Letting Go of Anger in Relationships, we realized how much it resonated with my own relationship. Our stories may all be slightly or even totally different, but we can all relate to each other once we have an understanding of how we compete for energy.

I think knowing this is amazing because it proves to me that every one of us has worth in our own unique way. We each are holding a piece of the bigger picture. By sharing our authentic truths through our unique stories, we are able to extend a hand out to those who are struggling and may need to be reminded that they are not alone. Together, we can learn how to create spiritual relationships based on understanding, acceptance, gratitude, and love.

My fiancé has no interest in spirituality, which has caused some arguments since I began my own journey. We have different perspectives on what is right and true for each of us, how to raise our children and the validity of the spiritual teachings I have been learning. In addition to the difference in opinions, we also had various other common relationship issues. The struggle for power was so great that I lost everything about who I was to the point that I didn’t recognize myself anymore. My friends and family had been telling me about the warning signs they had noticed through the years, but I was so caught up in my Poor Me Drama that I couldn’t see a way out.

Eventually, I found the courage to make the decision to end our relationship. While we were separated, I felt just enough freedom from the control he had over me to be able to see how I gave up all of my power and had fallen into a pattern of blaming him for all the choices I made for myself. I knew that he needed to understand how he had contributed to the problem, but I was determined to find out where I also went wrong.

Together, we read The AIR In My Bubble. In her article, Candella discusses being open to each others’ different perspectives, how to recognize when we were not communicating respectfully, and the benefit of relationship counseling. Over time, we chose to keep our family together. Even though my fiancé still has no interest in joining me on my spiritual path, we do share a common goal to improve our relationship and support each other in breaking the cycle of our pasts that would, in time, negatively affect our children.

It’s not always roses and sunshine, and we still use our control dramas, but we have taken the first step towards a deeper Spiritual Connection by deciding to invest in creating a more loving relationship.

CREATING AWARENESS

Everyone has their primary drama, but we are capable of using all four of them, depending on which one works in the moment. I believe the first step we must take, as stated in the Experiential Guide, is to create awareness of why we use our control dramas so we can understand how we continue the cycle and patterns of seeking control.

My primary drama is Poor Me, and my fiancés' primary drama is Aloof. We play these out on a regular day-to-day basis as if it's just naturally who we are. We learned them while growing up, and they are so ingrained into our psyches that we hardly notice when they are happening. Yet, we can easily identify when the other is playing the role.

If you and your partner are looking to create a more harmonious relationship and want to overcome your control dramas, working together as a team will make it easier to acknowledge when you are both falling back into old patterns. For this to be successful, it may help to set some guidelines that you both can agree on, such as:

• Upon noticing the drama, ask how your partner is feeling.
• Stay calm and speak with kindness, without calling out, shaming, or blaming.
• If needed, detach to refill your energy and come back when calm and rational.
• Be gentle with yourself and your partner. Show compassion and empathy.
• Listen without interruption and give each other space to express yourselves fully.
• Allow the process to create a stronger bond between you, letting go of resentment, which will bring you closer to unconditional love.

For many of us, unfortunately, the ability to work together with our partner toward overcoming how we are competing for energy in our relationship is just not possible. Try as we might, if we are on a spiritual journey and our partners are not yet ready to transcend the old worldview, it can feel like we are constantly fighting a losing battle.

At this point, I have to accept that he is not yet ready to clear the past and overcome his drama, and that is okay. What I can do is begin to take responsibility for my own reasons for stealing energy.


1. I tend to resort to using control dramas when I'm not getting my needs met.

Impatience, so evident in my tone of voice, is the first sign that I have been neglecting my physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual needs. Self-care is the greatest gift we can give to ourselves and others. Our relationship with our partner is bound to deteriorate as we begin to lose the pieces of us that make us who we are. I can also notice that it also affects my children – who are now old enough to begin questioning my love for them – causing them to develop their own control dramas.

"As we learn better self-care, we become better people in general. When we are in touch with our own feelings, we can then reach out more effectively to others and show love and empathy to them also. If we are filling our own emotional tanks with self-respect and loving care, we have much more to give to our families, friends, and the world in general." ~ Karyl McBride Ph.D.

2. I have not been accountable for my own energy.

I'm not certain if I am an empath, but I am very intuitive and do pick up on my partner's energy. I allow his control dramas, anxiety, and fear to control my AIR (actions, inactions, and reactions) and as a result, I make decisions that go against what I really want. It is crucial that we put the utmost importance into filling our own energy up and learning how to protect it from outside sources.

It doesn't take long before we are depleted when we are continuously pouring it into the relationship, on top of caring for other family members, dedicating much of our time to work and saying yes to things we'd rather not do. We also must look after the household responsibilities, travel to appointments and other activities, possibly all while feeling the impact of lack of sleep and exercise, too much unhealthy food on the go, and the list goes on.

3. When I resort to blame and judgment, it is more often about me rather than another.

"When you blame and criticize others, you are avoiding some truth about yourself" ~Deepak Chopra.
As a Poor Me, one of the most difficult parts of my spiritual growth was taking responsibility for the reality I was creating. Once we are ready to take a deeper look at ourselves, the transformation can be quite remarkable.

"When you judge another, you do not define them; you define yourself." ~Wayne Dyer.
Reacting from our ego states (inner parent and child) keeps us locked in negativity. It traps us in a never-ending cycle of low energy as ruminative thoughts cause us to continuously overanalyze our circumstances.

4. I don't take enough time to get to know me, be my own person, and truly live my life.

Codependency does not allow us to be centered in our own inner process because our energy fluctuates based on what others do or say. They say, "treat others the way you want to be treated" but, we should first be taught, "treat yourself the way you want to be treated" because we teach others how to treat us.

"Our biggest fear is taking the risk to be alive and express what we really are." ~ Miguel Angel Ruiz.
I learned that in order to become my own person and avoid codependency, I had to first find a balance between giving myself to others and devoting time to my well-being. Knowing and standing up for my core values takes a lot of courage, but it allows me to live with integrity, recognize my worth, and embrace my authenticity.

5. I allow my past experiences and parental influences to impact my need for love and security.

Until we heal our childhood issues and insecurities, we will continue to negatively affect all of our relationships. People will show up in our lives with lessons that will bring us closer to facing our inner pain so that we may nurture and balance our mind-body-spirit and live in alignment.

Working on the Sixth Insight has brought me to understanding and forgiveness, but I realized I am still hanging onto limiting beliefs that have been unconsciously controlling my decisions and behavior. We can challenge our beliefs to find out if we want to keep them or transform them into new empowering beliefs based on our personal and shared relationship goals.

FINDING THE PATTERNS

After considering the five top reasons that cause my power struggles, I can see the pattern that has been unfolding and how integrating the insights into my life and interactions will help me in creating a more spiritual relationship with my fiancé. Being open to coincidences surrounding my relationship and the messages I am receiving will allow me to see the areas I need to be more mindful of.

Understanding and healing my past will set me free so that I am better able to avoid using control dramas. Creating space and time for meditation, reflection, and solitude will assist me in connecting to the universal source and building my inner energy. Following my intuition and setting intentions based on the principles of the Eighth Insight will ensure that I am doing my part towards creating a flourishing relationship.

Becoming spiritually conscious in our relationships is a choice we must make. Nothing will change if we continue to do the same thing. Today, I choose to come up with new ways of interacting without losing my own inner source of energy. Today, I choose to communicate on a soul level, no matter what I may be faced with. Today, I choose to show love and kindness to all others, including myself.

Moving Through Restlessness Back Into The Flow

As I look back at my pattern of growth, it seems like I always start with the First Insight. The Restlessness seems to knock me out of my Synchronistic flow and then into a state of confusion, filled with unknowing and a lack of inspiration. Getting back into the flow is as easy as staying conscious of my current life questions and then opening up to the guidance of the intuitive part of Synchronicity, yet I find the beginning of my Restlessness always comes with an emptiness occupied by ego-focused thoughts.

When I notice that I am in the grips of Restlessness, my focus is mostly internal. I tend to neglect, or even resist, what is going on around me. James Redfield’s Twelfth Insight tells us that we must stay in a state of alertness to receive our guiding intuitions, and what I’m now understanding is that if I fail to pay close attention, and be in tune with my external world, I close myself off from seeing the synchronistic events that are happening in my life.

Looking back at my previous episodes of profound restlessness, I spot a pattern that always occurs directly before a major growth spurt in my personal evolution. When I last endured a spell of this frustrating energy, it led me to question what causes such chaos at the beginning of my growth periods. And just that quickly, as I opened myself up to receiving messages from the Divine, an answer arrived telling me to look around at what was happening in my life. This created awareness, through mindfulness, of all the areas that directly affect me. So, in turn, I write this now suggesting that to address Restlessness we must focus on each of the three Primary Human Areas: Body, Mind, Spirit.

Getting back into the flow is a whole Body-Mind-Spirit process 

Body:

Healthy eating has never been a habit that I’ve really adopted in life (I’ve always appreciated the convenience of “grab and go” foods as they suit my busy lifestyle). Unfortunately, as a poor diet affects our nutrient intake, our energy level will slump as a result of the food we consume - and this speaks volumes to me now. When I’m restless, I begin noticing symptoms, such as trouble concentrating, weakness, fatigue, crankiness, memory problems, and confusion, creeping into my life. There comes a point when I can’t keep ignoring the need to eat healthier foods because, over time, it really begins to affect everything we do.

We all know how important sleep is to our well-being, but personally, I love to sleep in the morning and stay up late at night. Many times, in the still of the night, when my body is exhausted, but my eyes are wide open, something stirs inside of me. Intuition knocks at the door, storms in, and talks non-stop for an hour. Much can be learned from these precious moments, but I recognize while I definitely have been experiencing the gifts that come with the night, so far, I've been missing out on what the mornings have to offer. According to those who relish morning energies, "They give you a natural and creative energy, and most of all the brilliant 'work of the mind' will happen with your morning energy.” So, this need for change calls out to me. I realize I must calm my restless energy, so that my mind can be clear when I wish to sleep, in turn allowing my body to take the deep rest it requires at night.


Mind:

A healthy mind requires freedom to safely express and release emotions while correcting erroneous beliefs and attitudes, so it’s vital that we watch our thoughts and thinking patterns because we directly impact what happens around us. My primary drama is the 'Poor Me' and finding ways to stay out of my drama helps keep my ego at bay. When it comes to grappling with my own behavior, my Aloof side comes out to protect my poor me, but knowing exactly what triggers my dramas and the patterns they have, has given me the upper hand to be able to come out of them quickly - but, only if I choose to.

My Aloof control drama is new to me. It tends to cause issues to linger longer than they should since it often stops me from reaching out to my support group. Every one of us has undesirable moments as life ebbs and flows, and having a support network is so important as it gives us a close circle of allies who care enough to be with us as we face our true feelings. After expressing myself, when I finally do reach out, I feel I’ve honored my emotions and am able to look at my situation rationally. I can see new perspectives and then choose healthier A.I.R. (Actions, Inactions, Reactions).

I’m not being authentic when I hold back my real feelings and don’t speak my truth. It’s hard to practice the Law of Truth when we concern ourselves with other people’s reactions, but we must face the fear and stay true to ourselves. Every lie we tell ourselves and others takes us farther away from who we are. Every false story limits the flow of coincidences that come to us. Every untruth increases the rate of negative karma that we experience. I have found that getting into the flow happens with ease as I speak my truth with kindness through conscious conversations.

Spirit:

Tuning into our intuition, having an awareness of our talents and gifts, and connecting with the Divine from within through meditation, gives us access to finding our purpose in life. I believe each one of our paths toward enlightenment is different. Not one path is either right or wrong. No one is better than the other. Every one of us provides the experiences we came here to live and learn. I believe that no matter which one, or how many we choose to walk, they’re all leading us to the same place.

I’ve found studying the Enneagram a profound experience, as it allows me to get a deeper understanding of who I truly am as a Type 4 and enables me to appreciate how I must nurture the gifts I brought here to share with the world. Looking within myself and acknowledging my truth hasn’t been easy, but it brings me joy with each step I take towards releasing who I thought I should be, embracing who I am now, and being more present in the moment.

It doesn’t matter what job you have; you can still bring your talents into the world and make life rewarding. As you tap into your unique qualities and practice them in all areas of your life, you will be given more opportunities to use them. As we pour our heart, soul, and passion into all that we do, others can “feel” our energy and are drawn toward our service, products, writings, etc.

Living in Alignment 

I recently learned, when all the areas of our life are compatible with our core spiritual beliefs, we begin to live in alignment. However, I personally often find all the parts of my life (relationships, health, work, finances, etc) conflict with each other as they vie for my attention. If I neglect one area, it isn’t long before it ripples out affecting other areas. They are all interconnected so it stands to reason that if I apply my innermost values to all areas of my life, I will be able to live more authentically bringing integrity into my interactions and balance to my professional and personal life.

My journey towards Living the Vision is paved with many twists and turns, but one thing that I know for sure is that I have been guided every step of the way, even in those moments of restlessness, and even more so in times of fear. Sometimes, it is hard to see where I am headed but through it all, I have learned to have faith in the process.

Getting back into the Synchronistic Flow can seem to be quite a daunting task during our lowest moments. If you are experiencing the feeling of disconnection as I do at the beginning of my growth cycles, please know that even though we may not hear our intuition, we have not been left alone to fend for ourselves. If you ever truly experience the integrations of the Twelfth Insight, you will feel and know divine guidance is always there...

Waiting for us to take notice of the bigger picture, waiting for us to find our current questions, waiting for us to open up to hear the messages, waiting for us to trust the signs we have been given, waiting for us to act with inspiration and passion.

The Importance of Transparency in Relationships

Growing up, I never liked working within teams. Negative experiences at school and early jobs I held marred my judgment and frequently curbed my enthusiasm to collaborate. I am a type A personality, a very hard worker and a perfectionist at heart - I always expect high quality. Working with others who didn’t take their project/tasks seriously, or slacked off and didn’t produce, made it difficult for me to enjoy teamwork. As a result, I felt like I was being taken advantage of, and once adulthood arrived, I was quick to seek employment where I could work independently.

It wasn’t until I joined the Celestine Prophecy communities on Facebook and became a group administrator that I realized how amazing a team can really be. It was there that I learned about circular leadership, Starhawk's group roles, and how each person’s unique talents can make a team more effective and harmonious.

Implementing the Eighth Insight was paramount in my growth. I learned more about communication skills in three years than I had over my entire life. Not only has it helped me with my profession, but it is also creating awareness in other areas of my life with family and friends, as well as social situations.

Since I have started studying the Enneagram and learning the deeper meaning behind behavior, I am gaining more understanding and compassion for all the people in my life, both personally and professionally. What’s even better about the Enneagram is that I can see how unique we all are, the talents each of us naturally bring into the world, and what motivates us towards bringing out the best of who we are.

From this, the latest lesson arising for me is the collective need for Transparency in our relationships and communication. When problem solving, I’ve found that any lack of transparency makes it harder to know important facts. Reaching a solution to produce a desired win-win result becomes greatly hindered. The result is that usually there remains unresolved issues, hurt feelings, misunderstandings, and the inability to move on.

Wikipedia states that Transparency (pertaining to human behavior) implies openness, communication, and accountability. I’ve personally found that employing transparency allows us to have connected, authentic relationships that limit the instances in which we experience Control Dramas and distrust. I’m finding these genuinely transparent relationships enhance my ability to grow and maintain my overall health, balance, and joy in interactions with others. Because of this dramatic change in my life, I would like to share with you what I’ve learned, in case this awareness can also benefit you.

Here are five things that occur when we have transparency in our relationships:

1. You are being true to yourself 

It is so important that we all show our real selves to those around us. More often than not, we shelter parts of ourselves in fear of what others may think. Hiding things we don't like causes resistance in us and, as this festers, we become unhealthy emotionally, mentally, physically, and spiritually. Accepting our shadow side allows us to cultivate compassion for ourselves as we process negative emotions when they arise. Forgiveness helps us to grow through our struggles, making us stronger and wiser.

Appreciating our uniqueness allows us to nurture the relationships we invest in. We recognize that we each bring something different to the table, and as we come together, we make the perfect whole. Consistency in our character and our values encourages others to feel safe in our presence: they know what to expect of us, they understand our boundaries, and trust naturally develops.


2. You become more confident in your courage to be honest 
Over time, as our trust in our relationships strengthens, we begin to find our voice and our deeper confidence. Honesty does take courage. We never really know how someone might react to our truth, but we must remember that their reaction is something that they must own. As we are learning to be more genuine in our transparency, we need to stay aware of how negative responses might throw us off balance and cause us to doubt the truth we have to share.

While we are not responsible for other people’s behavior, we must respect how our truth may impact them, and should be there to support them if we trigger a reaction which disturbs their inner peace. What we can do is ensure that the truth we have to share is always delivered with kindness and is not attached to a Control Drama, nor said when emotions are elevated in the heat of the moment. Through staying aware and open to understanding the situations we’re part of, we become confident in our ability to nurture important relationships and encourage others to maintain transparency with us.

3. You step out of your Control Dramas 

We all get caught up in our emotions from time to time – it’s a natural part of being human – but the more aware we are of our tendencies to fall into our dramas, the easier it is to stop them. When we notice our dramas rising, we must take a time-out from the situation, and then return when we’re thinking more rationally. Transparency first starts with how willing you are to see the truth of your own behavior and take responsibility for it.

Mindfulness and a sense of humor are two things that we can cultivate to help us overcome our inner turmoil when the stakes are raised. There is immense strength that comes with the ability to step out of a situation to look at it objectively, and with practice, the time it takes us to see the bigger picture reduces. When we consider why a drama arises, we can appreciate that they are not just brought to life during power struggles: everyone is capable of using their control dramas during regular day-to-day interactions, as a method of manipulation to achieve the results they want to see. With Transparency employed on both sides of a relationship, the struggle to manage emotions and desire to manipulate situations can disappear.

4. You create deeper meaningful interactions

There is nothing more special than the bonds created with those we hold dear to our hearts. When we concentrate on transparency as a strongly held value, others will come to respect us and reciprocate the same level of trust and honesty. Transparency even has the ability to rebuild fractured relationships when two people make an agreement to be completely honest with each other. This may require a leap of faith for the person who has lost trust in the other but, depending on certain circumstances, it is possible for the relationship to succeed if both people make an honest, joint effort to work together and remain transparent while accepting each other's needs.

5. It helps you stay in the Synchronistic Flow

As our culture evolves, we are naturally developing a greater ability to sense what others are thinking and feeling. Our thoughts and feelings have traditionally been perceived as private until we decide to share them, but, as we now know, all things (including our thoughts) are energy, we recognize how we are always projecting, even if we’re not speaking. Staying transparent, sharing our truth, and always expecting synchronicity keeps us in the flow.

The experience of being in this flow has a way of making us feel alive as we become more conscious of all the coincidences that are guiding us toward our destiny, and the miracles that occur. As we integrate the Twelfth Insight and experience conscious conversations, we "exude a special influence on the world, discover what we need to know, and build a new, more truthful worldview."

The process of learning, understanding, and embracing the energy of Transparency as it pertains to my life, enables me to develop my realization of the Celestine Insights. My desire to share this awareness of growth is helping me discover a deeper connection to myself, my loved ones, and to my joy and passion of purpose, including my ability to enjoy being part of a team.

Get To Know Your True Self

Do you remember who you dreamed of becoming when you were young? It’s interesting, I find, how our visions of our ‘possible-future-self’ develop as the years pass, and how they continually evolve as we grow older, learn about life, and develop new interests.

All of your experiences have contributed to the image you've created, and how you see yourself in relation to everything and everyone else in your world. Consider for a moment if there’s a possibility that the image you’ve created could be flawed, not in a way that’s wrong, but more in a way that might just be incomplete.

In my late teens, when I first saw my own potential to manifest, I formed an image of what I would aspire to be. Without focus or direction, I began to explore different areas and talents I was developing. I was only focusing on a limited view of my potential looking for quick satisfaction and fast results leading to success.

Our struggles are meant to guide us. 

I worked and trained for many years to establish myself as a respected professional woman, envisioning how I’d work my way into a high-level management position within a successful company. Except, every time I made any progress towards this dream, something would block my ability to stay in the flow.

The power of determination helped me persevere through all my setbacks and see the new paths available at each dead end - but changing course when you are determined to succeed is extremely hard as feelings of failure creep in. The disappointment alone makes you question everything, from your reality and who you are, to your worth.

For me, the things limiting my chance at success manifested as:

• Having insufficient experience to get the jobs I was applying for.
• The inability to secure permanent positions or turn temporary ones into longer employment.
• An unwillingness to stay with disreputable companies not aligned with my values.
• Experiencing moments of low self-esteem with a lack of confidence in my abilities.
• Settling for a position just to pay the bills, and losing focus of my goals.
• Allowing the needs, wants, and fears of others to hold me back from taking action.
• And finally, having children and feeling as if I was giving up on my dream when deciding to be a stay-at-home-mom

I'm sure many of you can relate to these types of struggles. Yet, even though I was able to intuit that these events (which seemed to restrict me) were in fact, outside forces (maybe even divine intervention) strategically guiding me through the experiences I needed, I still relentlessly questioned my life.

Where did it all go wrong and how do I get back on track?

I spent much time trying to manoeuver around each dead end - thinking that if I kept trying, I would eventually prevail - until finally, I conceded, and accepted the circumstances I found myself in. Yet, to be honest, I never did fully accept them; inside me that flame still burned. There was always this inner urge that my life was meant for more than ‘just’ being a housewife and mother.

This restlessness is what gives us the strength to find our mission. It reminds us that we haven’t got everything neatly figured out; it keeps the questions popping into our minds, and instils the desire to seek the answers we yearn for.

Some struggles don't just guide us, they shake us up from the inside and wake us up to a whole new world. It wasn't until I started thinking about who I am and what kind of parent I wanted to be, that I began to enter the flow, allowing the answers to come to me through coincidences.

One of those coincidences was finding The Celestine Prophecy series and eventually the CP Insight Chatting group, which later led me to joining the Celestine Vision Team. As I stepped into my new position, I started to see an old dream begin to emerge, one that stemmed from a child's wish to be of service to others - the path was clear and magically destined - everything placed in just the right spots to bring me to this moment. Yet, here I am sitting in my home office, still fantasizing about that professional image in an upper management position. And on my mind, is that envious question asking, "Why does it seem so easy for others to enter the flow, make progressive growth, and achieve exactly what they have been working so hard for?"


Time for another wake up call! 

My wake-up call this time came as I scrutinized my areas of resistance, and realized that I was still rejecting my natural abilities by trying to be something - someone - that I am not.

While we have many traits and strengths with the personal images we have created, they may not be the natural innate talents and abilities that we brought into this world to help us live our missions. As I acknowledged this in myself, I realized that I needed to question if my current professional growth was really at another stand still.

Sometimes when we feel stuck, all it takes is someone to remind us of where we have been, how we got here, the value of what we are doing, and where we are headed. In receiving the gift of this remembrance, I was filled with a deep appreciation for my life and all the paths that led me here.

Even if you do not have someone to help guide you through the events that led you where you are today, you can still reflect on it yourself by working through the Second Insight. Each event leads to another; patterns surface, and then the story of your life begins to emerge once again. You may even find some benefit in exploring the Enneagram to learn more about yourself and the gifts you've brought into this life.

There are blessings when we are in transition. 

Being in between growth stages usually produces a state of restlessness as it opens us up to question the bigger picture of our lives. If we are ready to hear the messages, it can prepare us for what is to come and encourage us to embrace each moment we are in with compassion and appreciation. I am now experiencing a renewed hope for my future, and all the blessings that are to come as I step into my authentic self - the person I was born to be. There is also an excitement building for the future of Celestine Vision, the new book that James is writing, and the endless possibilities for our growth as a team.

If you are questioning your progress, your life, your mission, I implore you to look within, to find your own natural talents, and consider the pattern of events throughout your life that brought you to this present moment...right here, as you are reading this. This might just be a synchroncity for you, that nudge you've been waiting for you to start remembering to remember. You may be surprised that you're not as far off the path as you thought.

4 Steps To Grounding Yourself:  

1. Take Ownership of Who You Are: Understand that where you currently are is due to the various choices you have made in each of the experiences you have ever had. It's easy to blame others, especially if they impacted us along the way, but true freedom comes from forgiveness, and taking control (and responsibility) of your entire life.
2. Appreciate Your Individuality: Freewill allows you to have and make choices. You can be anything you want but, deep down, there is something special and unique about you. Don't resist your truth; go within to nourish and cultivate it.
3. Never Compare Yourself To Others: Accept them for who they are, and treat yourself with the same respect. Use others' success stories to inspire you but don't ever judge them against your own. Your experiences and your mission are exclusive to you and the path you committed to in this life.
4. Take Notice Of Your Silver Livings: See all the struggles you experience as your wake-up call, as your soul calling out for destiny to guide you. When one door seems to be shut, keep your wits about you to find the open path. It is there, and if you’re open to Synchroncity you will enter the flow once again.

Practicing Gratitude: 5 Steps To Abundance

It’s often easier to remember the bad experiences in life, than the good. When unfortunate things happen, we can have a tendency to invest significant energy in thinking about what’s gone wrong. Increasing our experience and depth of gratitude can balance out many negativities we hold on to. When good thoughts, memories, and feelings occupy our minds, we subsequently receive numerous positive benefits and opportunities.

Genuinely feeling grateful in your heart and choosing to articulate it through your words and actions will enable you to grow beyond your self-imposed limitations, put your problems into perspective, keep you grounded, and encourage you to nurture the people you love.

Journaling is an intellectual exercise that helps you to contemplate what you have in your life. Yet, in order for gratitude to truly transform your life and heal you from within, you must authentically feel grateful right from the core of your being. Take immense pleasure out of your daily practice until it lifts your spirits, heals you, and brings you to a higher consciousness.

What happens when you are grateful?

By practicing gratitude, you can enjoy life more because you appreciate all the miracles you’ve been blessed with. There’s something comforting in realizing that the moments you’re actually grateful for each day are free.

Grateful people report fewer symptoms of discomfort because they have a zest for life and understand the advantages of a healthy lifestyle. They are less lonely, stressed, anxious, and depressed. People with a high level of gratitude often feel an emotional sense of wonder and appreciation for life.

By being grateful, you transform your thought process to view your day with more optimism. You focus on what worked well and healthy ways to alter any negative situations, so you can avoid harmful, self-defeating thinking. Essentially, you actively create your life by choosing what you focus your energy on and how you want to respond to it.

Gratitude is a deep, genuine sense of appreciation that touches you and uplifts your emotions.

You can be grateful for all things in your life, big and small. One of the advantages of appreciating the little things, even the limited things, you have, is that you will attract more of it to you. The Law of Increase states that praise changes your perception and the outcome of your circumstances. The more you praise something, the more confidence you give it; and as confidence grows, so does abundance.

You can appreciate the air you breathe, clean water, the neighborhood you live in, public transport, playing in a sprinkler on a hot sunny day, and the many privileges that you can share with others.
Journaling will help you identify everything that you enjoy in life; but to get the most out of your gratitude, you must look at each and every single item/person/situation and consider what it means to you, what life would be like without it, and why you truly appreciate it.

When you fill yourself up with appreciation, it changes how you feel, alters the actions you take and the results you create, allows you to see the beauty and uniqueness in all things, and enables you to experience a sense of timelessness and connection to a higher source -- the universal energy of love.

Practice Gratitude when you need to escape life’s pressures.

Gratitude doesn’t mean that you ignore your problems; nor does it imply that anything going wrong in your life is unimportant. But sometimes we need a rest, both emotionally and mentally, to aid us in gathering the energy and courage to keep going, especially when we feel close to crumbling or giving up.

When you can’t seem to find your way out of a difficult situation and are desperate for an emotional reprieve to boost your energy enough to make it through to a resolution, you can find solace in practicing gratitude for the lessons learned in the challenges you face and what you will gain from seeing it to the end.

Being grateful, in the midst of chaos, can seem like a daunting task, especially if you’re feeling overwhelmed. If you’re unable to look at your current situation objectively to recognize the blessings you’re receiving, step away from it and focus your gratitude on other areas of your life.


Acknowledge abundance through gratitude; it exists all around us, all the time.
Instead of being afraid or pushing away the reality that every situation holds a blessing, you could embrace it as a gift of abundance and change how you feel when faced with challenges.

When you choose to acknowledge blessings (even when things don’t go exactly as you’d like them to), you open yourself to the flow of infinite Universal energy. If you resist by holding on or holding back, fearing that you don’t or won’t have enough, you delay this flow.

When you start looking for abundance, by seeing the ‘glass half full’ and bypassing your perceived lack, it appears everywhere. Although you may feel you have little to spare or share, generously offering the love in your heart, contributing time for service, or lending a listening ear to someone who needs support will give purpose to anyone’s life. As you expand the love in your heart by giving freely and being genuinely grateful, you receive even more in return.

Practice Active Gratitude with these 5 rewarding steps.

Step 1: Rise and Shine

Create a rejuvenating morning ritual by getting up 30 minutes earlier than normal, and taking advantage of the tranquillity around you. Enjoy the peaceful time by meditating, reading, reflecting, exercising, or just consciously breathing.

The earlier you’re able to wake, the more you eliminate the chaos of rushing around to get out the door. Getting up early allows you time to welcome the sunrise and soak in its energy. You can also make time for a healthier breakfast instead of a bar on the go or skipping your meal altogether.

Step 2: Greet the day

The moment you open your eyes, let your first thought be of thankfulness for being alive, for a fresh, new day, and an opportunity to try again.

Before you rush for the coffee, drink 16oz (500mL) of water first. While you sleep, your body slowly becomes dehydrated because it needs fluid to operate. Water fires up your metabolism, hydrates you, helps your body flush out toxins, and gives your brain fuel.

Step 3: Active Gratitude

Continue expressing gratitude through your entire morning ritual. Give thanks for your legs to get you out of bed, thank your bed for allowing you to sleep comfortably, and give thanks for the warmth in your home. When you go to the bathroom, be grateful for everything you use, and don’t forget to take a moment to look into the mirror to thank You -- show yourself some love and admiration! As you get dressed, be thankful for your clothes and that they’re clean and fit you well. During your peaceful quietude, give thanks for those things you have chosen to do to rejuvenate yourself. Spend your morning in Active Gratitude saying, “Thank You” to everything you see and touch.

When you’re ready for the day, journal 10 things that you normally take for granted and express why you’re grateful for these things. How do they make life easier for you? What would it be like without them?

Step 4: Set your intention for the day

Think about the day you are about to have. Are you working, is this a leisure day, do you have somewhere you need to go? Whatever you have planned, start your day off right.

First, consider your most pertinent life question for the day ahead, and then, choose 3 things that would make today great. Your current question could be as simple as, “What are we having for supper tonight?” or, it could be more serious such as, “Should I submit this proposal to my boss?” or “Who can help me with this difficult issue?”

Be alert to any coincidences, messages, or intuition you have throughout the day that relate to your question. For the simple ones, maybe you see a flyer of a new restaurant you’ve wanted to visit; the more serious questions may take longer to answer to so we must stay in a highly expectant state. If you stay aware, observing any signs that seem to be beckoning you to a certain direction, a combination of emotional charge and vivid imaging will stimulate the ability to attract what you desire.

Step 5: Morning Energizing Visualization

Before you leave the house, take a few deep breaths. Visualize yourself in a beautiful place. Breathe in the beauty; imagine the smells and how it feels being there. Keep breathing and visualizing until you feel the energy of your beautiful place deep inside filling you up and expanding all around you. Now state your current life question and surround it with that energy. Try to stay connected to this loving feeling all day.

What You See In Others Is A Reflection Of YOU.

When you look out into the world around you and see what you don’t like,
ask yourself how you could possibly be contributing to it.

You may just be one person but you have a power within you to not only affect your own outlook and actions but that of others as well. This power is what allows all of us to contribute to the state that our society and this world are in right now. Think about today, last week, a year ago, and your entire life. 

How often have you been truly happy and filled with joy?
How did you handle your struggles and tragedies?
How did you treat your loved ones and other people you encountered?
How often did you feel resentment, guilt, or regret?
How many times did you criticize, judge, or blame?

“What you see in others is a reflection of yourself.”

Now, this statement can be debated for days on end, and it has but I believe we may be misunderstanding it. This statement does not say, “What others do is what you do.” Although comparing behavior is much easier to see the similarities we have in others, this is not talking about the specific actions of a person. It goes much deeper to the reasons for the behavior you are noticing in others and much of it has to do with your reaction to it all.

It is easier to begin with your own thoughts and behaviour. If you judge people for the way they look, what they said or did, or something that you have made an assumption on without knowing all the facts, then it is very likely that you are critical towards yourself and are being shown ways that you need to be more kind, accepting, compassionate, grateful, forgiving, and loving. 

Taking that a bit further…if they do something that you disagree with…hurting others or being aggressive in any way is probably right there at the top of the list for most unacceptable behaviours, so we will use that. Hurting and aggression can affect people physically, emotionally, and mentally. It doesn’t matter which way you do it, they are all equally intolerable. And it doesn’t matter how many people you hurt, just one person is too many and is the same as hurting a hundred.

If you are a compassionate person without a mean bone in your body, you may be wondering how this statement could possibly apply to you; but it does if you find you have been and are reacting to what you see, especially if your reactions are emotionally charged.

To recognize how we are similar to others, we can begin with a bit of reflection of our own behaviour. We can think back on any instances where we may have physically hurt someone on purpose, excessively yelled at a loved one, criticized, gossiped, shamed, blamed, embarrassed, judged, ridiculed, or stolen energy by use of your controldramas. 

Looking a little deeper

If, by some chance, you can honestly say that you have never in your life and currently don’t do any of these things, then you may now look a bit deeper to the reasons. Consider why people hurt others, what could have brought them to make that decision, what the events leading up to it may have been like for them, and how they may have been raised and treated by their peers. Having and understanding of the cause may help bring our attention to what the person is going through inside the turmoil of their inner world. 

We can then start to see the negative emotions they are holding onto more clearly. Anger, frustration, sadness, confusion, mistrust, guilt, resentment, regret, emptiness, and so many more begin to surface into our awareness which allows us to be able to trace every one of them back to Fear. Bottom line, Fear exists, everywhere, in each and every one of us. It is the common denominator.

Have you ever felt any of those negative emotions listed above? If you have or currently are, then there is a connection you can make. Keep in mind that this “reflection of yourself” does not have to mean the specific action that was made. This person is in your reality to show you what you must heal within yourself. Free will is what changes everything and is what makes the difference is what one person does compared to another.  How long ago was it that you were feeling those emotions? What was happening? How did you react? How did you treat others at this time?

More importantly, how did you treat yourself?

Really, it all comes right back down to you. If you still can’t see the connection of how the people in our lives are a mirror image of us showing us what we need to learn about ourselves, consider everything you just read and think about how you feel about yourself, how you talk to and about yourself, how well you look after your health, how you honestly think about who you really are, and how worthy you are of having an abundant life filled with happiness, peace, love, prosperity, and pure joy.

Self-love is not as evident in the world as it should be. We are not taught how to love and value ourselves from the time we are little; we are taught how to please others and grow up worrying more about what other people might think about us. It would be a very different place if we were taught how to love, how to connect to source from within, and how to raise our own energy without subconsciously stealing it from others.

“Be the change you want to see.”

Next time you see something in another that you like, find it in you and celebrate it. When you see something you don’t like in someone, pay attention to your thoughts and judgments that arise, and take some time to reflect on it. Start to see how you are creating this reality all around you by bringing it right back home to yourself. How can you show more love and kindness, first, towards you, then to those around you?

We can change the world and make it a better place to live in. It just takes one brave soul at a time, harnessing the power within to become the light and shine goodness back into the hearts of those it touches every day.

Understanding a Lost Soul and Being a Light in the Darkness

The essence of the quote below by Bob Perly is to be the light for others when they lose their way but what stuck out for me was a deeper understanding of the person who is really lost. As I go back through all my posts on the Becoming Authentically You Facebook Page, I see that around September I stumbled off my path a bit. With some reflection, I am aware that I may be heading in the wrong direction… or am I ??? That remains to be seen since I do not have the gift of foresight.

It is hard to see the bigger picture of what we are going through when you are right in the thick of it. I had hoped that maybe I was going through the Dark Night of the Soul but here it is January and I seem to be falling deeper and deeper into a pit of despair. I know that this emotional pain I have been going through is what happens when you walk away from yourself, when you give away all your power and hand over your pen to allow someone else to write the story you must live, when you blow out what’s left of that little light that flickers inside. 

My faith has always been strong. I’ve gotten through many struggles and more than my fair share of traumatic experiences. But something feels different this time. I feel my hope slipping away, the one thing I could always count on my whole life. No matter how much I try or how hard I pray for guidance, I seem to slip a bit further. Somehow I keep finding the strength to go on, just one more step towards my salvation. Faith keeps the determination going, weak as it may be but so far it has been enough. I’m still here, still trying, not ready to give up just yet.

Full Quote about Lost Souls by Bob Perly:

“We are equal at a soul's level. We are all souls going through the same human experience, all for the same purpose of learning and growing. The more you can see and understand this, the more accepting and forgiving of others you will be. And the more tolerant of other people you will be. This also helps you learn to accept yourself and your own journey, because being able to see everyone as equal you won't see yourself as someone more or less than another. 

Some people have it harder than others, that's a given, but some of those people may get lost in darkness and lose sight of any light ahead. They may try to find a way out, but without any light they dig deeper and deeper into the darkness, becoming more and more lost and disconnected from themselves and their purpose, and eventually lose all hope of escaping it. They will accept the fact that there is no way out, or make themselves believe they don't deserve anything better, and give up entirely on trying, surrendering to a life of darkness and suffering. This is when they need someone to find them, and be there to help lead them back into the safety of the light. 

When a soul is lost they become spiritually disconnected from themselves, with no sense of purpose to their lives. Their emotions and memories are often suppressed, and when it is not handled in a healthy way, negative emotions start to build and surface, and then possibly take over their entire being. This is why lost souls are often angry, and lose all respect for life around them. Anger, Deceit, Greed, Ignorance, Jealousy, and other negative traits take over and start to show, because it is the only way they have learned how to handle things. When you lose faith and hope, sometimes it is a lot easier to give up and give in, and surrender to the negativity in the world around you and end up being highly influenced by it all. When this happens, all spiritual connections to themselves and others, or any divine protection or guidance is lost or greatly hindered. Reason is, because negative emotions lower the vibration of your energy light, your souls light. This causes your light energy to weaken and dim, making it harder to connect with you on any kind of spiritual level. This is how you can become lost, by being disconnected from yourself and others, and any divine protection or guidance.

As for the Divine protection and guidance, well, we all hear about Spirit Guides and Guardian Angels being there to watch over us and guide us through life. Some believe it, some don't, in fact most don't believe in it. Well, for me, I do. I don't just believe it, I feel it as truth, but of course it takes experiencing it in order to truly believe it; and not everyone has experienced such beautiful things in their lives yet. But one day, everyone will experience it for themselves, in their own time. Eventually everyone will know the truth of everything. Until then, all I can do is try to help open up more minds to the possibilities, because really anything is possible if we ourselves exist. 

Well, rather you can believe it or not, we are all born with our own personal guardian angels, rather it be family and loved ones in heaven, or Angels that have chosen to help guide you. That guidance and protection we receive is a spiritual connection that is fed into our heart and souls through our whole lives. Without it, we can become very lost in life. Think of this spiritual connection as a cellphone's signal strength. The person on the other side (your guardian angels) is there to help guide you through your life, but a line of communication is needed to do so. So this signal and its strength are very important for this guidance and protection that you receive daily from your Angels and any Divine beings. If the signal is weak, than the communication is in and out, and the message is not entirely received, being chopped and fragmented. This can make life much harder to deal with, and become more susceptible of losing all means of communication. But it is always possible to restore and strengthen this signal on your own, even if it requires a little help from another. But when that signal is lost entirely, so is the soul that is being guided. All communication to your guides and guardians is lost, and the soul wanders aimlessly with no protection or any direction to follow. Yes, they may no longer be able to see any light while engulfed in darkness, but they can still hear, it is just that there is no one there to be that voice to help guide them out. 

When the soul is lost, their Angels may not be able to help them as needed. When this happens, a soul in physical form is needed to takeover and helps find them in order to help lead them back to safety, by being that light for them. This an important part of being in human form, to be there for each other when no one else can, and help keep us all within the protection and guidance of God's light and his Angels. As humans, we have the power to help find and guide a lost and disconnected soul, when God and his angels may not be able to do so themselves. This is done by giving these souls the same unconditional love that God and the Angels provide for all of us, which can help strengthen or restore their faith, their hope, and their spiritual connection. We must always be there for each other, to help one another get through our own journeys. We are not here just for ourselves, but for each other. We have the power and ability to be a light for others. But remember, a soul that is already lost and disconnected themselves cannot be a light for others. One must find their way out, either alone or together first, then they will be able to do the same for others.

One thing to note is, that a lost soul isn't always someone that is in a very dark place of suffering, but anyone that is disconnected from themselves spiritually and lose sight of their true loving selves.
But! The lesson is, stop judging! and allow yourself to see every soul as an equal. Allow yourself to see that some people have lost their way, and understand that they just need a little unconditional love and guidance to find their way back onto their lighted path, so they can rediscover their true self and purpose. Understand that what they are going through is part their own journey, and a part of who they are on the outside, but not who they truly are on the inside. They too need to find a way to learn and grow from it all, but not everyone has the tools to do so on their own. Sometimes it takes the unconditional love of another to help them. 

Don't contribute to helping a soul stay lost, instead be a light for them, or at least pray and ask God to send someone to help guide them. Fact of the matter is, some people just don't have anyone praying for them, no one that cares enough to do so, which is just sad. Praying for others is as good and as powerful as praying for yourself and your family, and it is especially powerful for those souls lost on their path. Your prayers will always be a blessing, to those you pray for and for you. That love and compassion will always feed back into your heart and soul.”